Chapter 8: Wait – who am I again?

16 Dec

It’s october. we have not found an apartment. we have not found an apartment and we are not having a baby.

I am a terrible person who caused this. I was under stress I was in a rat race (and what for – really?). I drank too much Coke Zero. I worked too hard.

I am not a woman. I am not worthy of being called a woman.

What the heck am I doing? What am I chasing? Why am I working two jobs – and two jobs I hate?

Aren’t I supposed to be a director or something? When was the last time I even directed something? I am worthless.

I can’t even keep a baby in my body. I am toxic. I am nothing.

My husband suggests we move back to Haifa. Closer to my parents to the old studio apartment we used to live in. Let’s take things easy. Try to take care of ourselves. Re-group.

I am nothing. I am a million little pieces.

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