I don’t want his story to be one that causes anxiety.
For him, if you are pregnant, and have found your way to this page, please let his loss be a source of lessons and light, and not a story to cause you worry. The cause of PPROM in my specific case was most likely an Incompetent Cervix, due to a number of surgical procedures I had (namely a D&C after my first loss and a lap surgery).
With each pregnancy I’ve had (four so far, one blighted ovum, two suspected ectopics and of course, our Nadav), I’ve found myself coming to blogs dealing with baby loss to see if there’s anything I can learn to keep my babies safer. It has never helped.
So I have two messages for anyone who comes across this page: The first is, if you are pregnant, to make sure you get your cervix length monitored often. The second – and the most important – is that you don’t let fear rule your experiences in life. That is one of the many lessons my son taught me. I hope that is what you take away from this blog if nothing else. I wish you love and light, as much as my son left behind and as much as was given to me as a result of his loss.
If you have found me because you yourself have gone through a loss, please remember that despite the pain, you have to take care of yourself. There is no shame in asking for help if you need it. Some people asked how I survived this. It was with a lot of love and help from family, friends, and pharmaceuticals. Please reach out if you feel like you are drowning. If you feel like you have no one to reach out to, then reach out to me. I am here. For any of you, always.
Before things started going wrong, I recorded some of our first trimester below, when he was first called “Shmembryo” and then “The Shmaby”. The first comments you will see at the bottom of this page also refer to that time.
Shmaby at 12 weeks:
The Shmaby at the NT scan – 11 weeks, 5 days.
The Shmembryo at 9 weeks, 3 days. The squiggle has become a blob!
U/S at 7 weeks, 3 days: