2 Years

20 Feb

He was born and died on a Tuesday

But after a while, I realized that I couldn’t hate all Tuesdays.

He was born and died on the 21st.

But after a while, I realized that I couldn’t hate all of the 21sts.

He was born and died in February.

I still hate all of February.

Last year, on February 21st, we planted an almond tree, and I went in to get my cerclage to keep Bunny safe inside me. The end of one year marked the beginning of a new journey.

This year, on February 21st, we’ll be spending the day looking for a new home for us, so we don’t have to commute so much. So we can truly have the time to enjoy our family. Another new journey begins.

Two years ago, on February 21st, my son died and was born. I guess that too was the beginning of a journey.

I hope every February 21st will be able to mark beginnings and not ends.

Tomorrow will be sad, tomorrow will be happy, tomorrow will be hard. Tomorrow will be mostly about looking forward, not looking back.

So today I want to look back. But not flash back. Look back, with hindsight, with insight.

Look back and thank my son.

Thank you Nadav for teaching me about bravery.

Thank you Nadav for making your parents’ marriage stronger.

Thank you Nadav, for teaching me that I can overcome anything.

Thank you Nadav, for giving me perspective, and making things that once seemed insurmountable now seem trivial.

Thank you Nadav, for setting up the chain of events that eventually led us to your amazing little sister.

Thank you Nadav, for teaching me what it truly means to be a parent. For making me a better parent to her.

Thank you Nadav, for making me take a moment to appreciate every coo, every smile, and yes, even every cry from her.

I think that one day, when she is old enough to understand, when she is old enough to learn about her big brother, she will thank you too.

Thank you Nadav for visiting us and giving us these gifts. I just wish you could have stayed longer.

***

Tomorrow, please look at the sky, or a pretty flower, or your spouse, or your children, and think of my son. If only just for a moment.

Because he deserves to be remembered.

I would give him more than that if I could.

About these ads

25 Responses to “2 Years”

  1. kel24 February 20, 2014 at 20:10 #

    Oh Mo how has it been 2 years already?

    I am thinking of you and your sweet Nadav, who we will never forget. Missing him with you.

  2. Delenn February 20, 2014 at 20:14 #

    “Tomorrow, please look at the sky, or a pretty flower, or your spouse, or your children, and think of my son. If only just for a moment.

    Because he deserves to be remembered.”

    Tomorrow is special for me as it is also the birthday of my first born. I had not known that Nadav shared this day, one special day, with my son. But when I look at him tomorrow, I will remember your son.

    ((Hugs))

  3. Mrs T February 20, 2014 at 20:54 #

    For almost two years, I haven’t heard Twinkle without thinking of you and Nadav. Much love to you as you look forward and back.

  4. nickeecoco February 20, 2014 at 21:12 #

    Will be thinking of you and Nadav tomorrow. You’re a very brave woman and an inspiration to me.

  5. Theresa February 20, 2014 at 21:16 #

    ((Hugs)).

  6. Geochick February 20, 2014 at 21:46 #

    ((Hugs)).

  7. Louisa February 20, 2014 at 21:54 #

    Oh Mo, what a lovely post, made me teary and smile at the same time. I will definately be thinking of you and Nadav tomarow.

  8. Heather February 20, 2014 at 21:59 #

    Will be thinking of you tomorrow xxx

  9. A. February 20, 2014 at 23:32 #

    Thinking of you, Mo. Happy Birthday, sweet Nadav. You mattered and you still matter so much. You were here and you are remembered. I hate February and March, too, and when I think back to February and March 2012, I will always think back to the darkest period of my life. There was so much cruelty and sorrow during those 2 months. So happy and amazed we both brought home living children this year, but February and March still hurt so deeply.

  10. Trisha February 21, 2014 at 01:36 #

    Chills. You’ve come so far Mo, I can’t believe it has already been 2 years. Sweet Nadav will always be remembered and missed. After all, Bunny will need to know all about her big brother. Much love being sent to you my friend!

  11. chon February 21, 2014 at 02:10 #

    Feb / march 2012 was a horrible period in blog land. Always thinking of your sweet boy. Always. A very close friend of ours just lost her baby at 14w it was the empathy and care you showed me many moons ago that let’s me comfort her now xxxx

  12. Courtney February 21, 2014 at 04:23 #

    Two years. Two years? It seems so recent, yet so far away. I think of you and Nadav this month every year. I think of you with love, sadness, and hope. You have preserved, Mo. I’m so proud of you for that. I am sure Nadav is too.

    He will never be forgotten. B and I speak of him quite often, whenever I tell him that you’ve posted. He says, “Nadav’s mom, right?”. Right. :)

    Love you, friend!

    • Courtney February 21, 2014 at 06:12 #

      Persevered, nor preserved. Geesh!

  13. Daryl February 21, 2014 at 06:25 #

    Thinking of you and Nadav. Big hugs.

  14. cassiedash February 21, 2014 at 06:29 #

    Beautiful post that moved me to tears. Thinking of you and your Nadav.

  15. nonsequiturchica February 21, 2014 at 13:18 #

    Thinking of you and Nadav today. I can’t believe that it has been two years already.

  16. SRB February 21, 2014 at 21:41 #

    He is remembered. Always. XO XO

  17. Alissa S February 21, 2014 at 23:02 #

    Thinking of your Nadav today. I love this post, everything about it. Our first children really did change us and pushed us to be better, stronger, and more appreciative. I am so happy to see the place you are now in, to see you with Bunny, and to know you are moving forward. I used to think I was leaving them behind, but now I see they are with me – inside me. Your son is remembered and loved.

  18. Mrs T February 21, 2014 at 23:37 #

    I came back to listen to Twinkle today. Love ya, Mo.

  19. Melanie February 22, 2014 at 02:48 #

    I remember. What a lovely post about a sad, sad day. Thinking of Nadav and you today.

  20. jjiraffe February 22, 2014 at 03:35 #

    I think of Nadav often, and especially today.

    What a lovely post, full of grace.

    Wishing you and your family love, today and always.

    Xoxo

  21. Mo February 25, 2014 at 00:37 #

    Hey ladies,
    I just really wanted to thank you for your love and support. Each one of your comments was like a tiny virtual hug.
    Thank you, truly.

  22. Kristen February 25, 2014 at 01:17 #

    I think of your son all the time. AND I think of your words to me after what happened with Hunter all the time too…you have helped me tremendously….
    Much love to you…

  23. theyellowblanket February 26, 2014 at 19:02 #

    What a gorgeous reflection on your beautiful son. xo

  24. marwil February 27, 2014 at 16:06 #

    I have been thinking of you and sweet Nadav. February is a tough month, it will always be. Best of luck with finding a new place, new beginnings are healing in themselves. It can never be a replacement or make the pain go away though. Sending hugs.

Show some love, comment-style

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 621 other followers

%d bloggers like this: