So yeah. Nothing.
Even Braxton Hicks stopped showing up a couple of days ago. The bastard.
39 weeks tomorrow. And trust me when I tell you I am NOT fun to be around right now.
Guys – I’m going nuts. I know, I know, any day now and all that junk. Thinking that it’s close is NOT HELPING.
Every freaking minute feels like FOREVER right now. I’m so over this. Seriously.
I’m seriously losing my mind. On Friday I had a “feeling” that it would happen on Sunday. So I spent all of Saturday finishing up every trace of work I had. Then it didn’t happen Sunday. And now I’m bored and pissed because it didn’t happen and I don’t have any work to distract me.
So I want to email my boss and tell him to give me a new assignment. But the thought that I will most likely have time to do that assignment depresses me to no end. It’s like if I don’t have any work to do, maybe it will happen today. Of course that’s wrong and stupid.
When we thought I’d be getting the cerclage out on August 20th, I was saying confidently that I had a “feeling” that I’ll be giving birth on the 27th. That’s tomorrow. I just know I’m going to be spending all day tomorrow on the couch crying.
I can’t cook more than just enough for one meal. The prospect of “I’ll be eating this tomorrow” makes me downright despondent. That means I’m giving in to one more day of this endless wait.
I can’t make plans for a day in advance. All I can think about is “Maybe today will finally be the day.” My mom wants to come over on Wednesday and take me out for a pedicure. The thought that I’ll still be stuck on my freaking couch waiting on Wednesday is depressing to no end.
And it’s too freaking hot out to do anything either. So all the “keep yourself busy and distracted” advice is doing nothing but annoying me even more.
It’s the worst limbo ever.
I mean, I’ve had some hard days during this pregnancy. I think these last few days have by far been the hardest. The anticipation and anxiety are killing me.
On Wednesday my acupuncturist came over and did the induction thing. I had cramping for a couple of hours after – then nothing.
He came over again yesterday, and again today – we’re doing the mega-induction treatment now – the one that is 4 sessions. Every day until this Wednesday. It’s not cheap, and I don’t know if it will even work, but I can’t NOT try, if that makes any sense.
Of course Shmerson and I have also been doing everything else possible to get this thing going, from taking walks to awkward mega-pregnant sex.
On Thursday the high-risk OB said he doesn’t see a reason for medical induction at all. I know this is generally good news, but I admit a small part of me was a bit disappointed.
Right now as far as he’s concerned I’m coming in for one last appointment at the clinic this Thursday, then starting at 40 weeks, it’s check-ups at L&D until I either go into labor naturally or they decide it’s time to induce. To quote him – “like any normal pregnant woman”.
I know I should be happy about this on some level, but OMG – the thought of this dragging on to 40 weeks and beyond is enough to make me want to cry. On the other hand, I can’t even fathom asking for a C-Section or an induction. Both of those options are terrible. So I have to wait it out. And wait some more. And some more.
Yesterday Shmerson remarked that it wasn’t too long ago that we were wishing to make it as far as 24 weeks. Now we’re almost 39 weeks. I know I should be grateful. I’m just so sick and tired and anxious.
I just want this behind me already. I want to know what’s next.
I need her here, safe.