I haven’t been spending much time in this space lately. Here’s what I’ve been doing instead:
Podcasting (Thank you all for listening and commenting, btw!)
Planning our trip to the States
A couple of weeks ago, I started feeling a shift. After an intense EMDR session where we talked extensively about Nadav, I spent a couple of weeks in a haze. Then one day I woke up, and for the first time in almost two years I was beyond just the basic “functional”. I was energetic. I was prolific. I was brave.
After a slow simmer for a very long time, I have boiled over in the best of ways.
Nothing has changed. I am still not ovulating. I am still not pregnant. I am still mourning my son.
Everything has changed. I am dealing with things differently. I am handling my situation. I am finding courage to do things I haven’t dared to do in years.
This was a process that came to a head, that finally paid off. That finally made me stop saying the words “I am so freaking tired.”
I’m still tired of the waiting. I’m still tired of my body failing me. I’m still going to fight to make that stop. But I’m starting to put at least a part of my energy elsewhere. I’m starting to finally realize that wallowing won’t make things move any faster.
So if I’m not here as often, know it’s because I’m busy putting my life back together. Know that you all get major credit for helping me do that just by continuing to come here. Continuing to comment. Always being an amazing source of support.
My life isn’t sunshine and unicorn farts. But it’s finally starting to feel like a life.