Sunshine and Unicorn Farts

30 Aug

I haven’t been spending much time in this space lately. Here’s what I’ve been doing instead:

Painting

Podcasting (Thank you all for listening and commenting, btw!)

Working

Planning our trip to the States

Healing.

A couple of weeks ago, I started feeling a shift. After an intense EMDR session where we talked extensively about Nadav, I spent a couple of weeks in a haze. Then one day I woke up, and for the first time in almost two years I was beyond just the basic “functional”. I was energetic. I was prolific. I was brave.

After a slow simmer for a very long time, I have boiled over in the best of ways.

Nothing has changed. I am still not ovulating. I am still not pregnant. I am still mourning my son.

Everything has changed. I am dealing with things differently. I am handling my situation. I am finding courage to do things I haven’t dared to do in years.

This was a process that came to a head, that finally paid off. That finally made me stop saying the words “I am so freaking tired.”

I’m still tired of the waiting. I’m still tired of my body failing me. I’m still going to fight to make that stop. But I’m starting to put at least a part of my energy elsewhere. I’m starting to finally realize that wallowing won’t make things move any faster.

So if I’m not here as often, know it’s because I’m busy putting my life back together. Know that you all get major credit for helping me do that just by continuing to come here. Continuing to comment. Always being an amazing source of support.

My life isn’t sunshine and unicorn farts. But it’s finally starting to feel like a life.

About these ads

17 Responses to “Sunshine and Unicorn Farts”

  1. Stinky Weaselteats August 30, 2012 at 08:20 #

    good on you! Glad you’re feeling in a better space

  2. Heather August 30, 2012 at 11:14 #

    Fantastic, Mo.

  3. cw August 30, 2012 at 13:35 #

    That sounds really nice.

  4. marwil August 30, 2012 at 13:36 #

    Finding new energy is a wonderful feeling. Glad you are in a better place and can focus on things you like and make them happen.

  5. Shelley August 30, 2012 at 14:33 #

    I’m glad you’re finding your way to a better place. And anyways, I bet unicorn farts don’t even smell that good. ;)

  6. SRB August 30, 2012 at 15:05 #

    Big. Smile. :)

  7. pjsarecomfyn August 30, 2012 at 16:52 #

    no unicorn farts? then I am outta here! hahaha just teasing. YAY for waking up. Get out there and make life happen for yourself.

  8. Cristy August 30, 2012 at 17:16 #

    Bravo. All of it is hard, but you are one hell of a warrior as well as an inspiration. BTW: Unicorn farts are highly overrated.

  9. Tami August 30, 2012 at 17:42 #

    I used to scoff when people told me the best healer is ‘time’. Who the hell wants to wait even longer?! But, as I’ve seen with myself and others- it’s true. With time and a bit of hard work, healing happens.

    Great job on that podcast btw! I thought it was brilliant and listened to the entire thing with a big ole’ grin on my face. You gals gave a voice to infertility which, is somehow much different than reading words on a page.

  10. kd August 30, 2012 at 17:52 #

    Listened to the podcast yesterday. I am in the “parenting after infertility and loss” category. It brought back sooo many of my feelings and the things I felt while going through this…yet I didn’t have an outlet. Luckily I had very supportive friends and family. I hope to welcome you to my side of the journey very soon. Hang in there.

  11. Courtney August 30, 2012 at 19:57 #

    So happy to read this!!!!!

  12. Rebecca Pallack (@RPallack) August 30, 2012 at 23:20 #

    Hope you start ovulating soon.

  13. Anna August 30, 2012 at 23:44 #

    Sounds like you’re healing. And trust me, no one’s life is unicorn farts, no matter what they make it seem like on Facebook.

  14. Mel August 31, 2012 at 00:20 #

    I love this: “Nothing has changed. I am still not ovulating. I am still not pregnant. I am still mourning my son.

    Everything has changed. I am dealing with things differently. I am handling my situation. I am finding courage to do things I haven’t dared to do in years.”

  15. Daryl August 31, 2012 at 01:51 #

    This post makes me so happy!

  16. Kristin August 31, 2012 at 12:41 #

    I am so glad to read this.

  17. Emily @ablanket2keep September 1, 2012 at 05:42 #

    I am so happy to hear this Mo!

Show some love, comment-style

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 617 other followers

%d bloggers like this: