Holy

1 Aug

Today an amazing woman, who’s daughter went through exactly what I did with Nadav, told me a story.

In the Jewish faith, there is a belief in a form of reincarnation. That our time on this earth is meant to fix something.

Jews believe that a child who chooses to leave this world early, is a holy soul with very little left to fix. In the case of stillbirth, a child who chooses to leave that soon is a “Tsadik” – a righteous soul.

The womb that carried that child is considered holy – with an extraordinary amount of love.

You guys all know that I’m more pastafarian than anything else. I’ve also been told the first part of that belief before  – I’ve been told that Nadav’s soul was a righteous one. I always dismissed it as a load of bunk and not much of a comfort.

But something about the way this woman said it. She said: You didn’t make him leave. He left. It happened. You didn’t make your water break, it just broke. His righteous soul chose to leave your loving and holy womb.

Something about this rings true to me, though I can’t quite put my finger on why.

All I know is that I feel a little better today.

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24 Responses to “Holy”

  1. Jules August 1, 2012 at 18:46 #

    That’s beautiful. I really love Judaism. <3

  2. @dmb07 August 1, 2012 at 19:19 #

    <—– speechless
    That filled my heart with so much peace. Thank you for sharing.

  3. Amy August 1, 2012 at 19:46 #

    That is truly lovely, Mo. I had a similar sense of peace after an entirely different flavor of meeting (I had a well-respected local astrologer read my babies’ charts with mine and my husbands), and learned they chose to leave, too. They also chose to inhabit my body in a physical sense; what felt like a miracle of sorts, and all the times my doctor said, “I can’t believe you conceived twins this cycle!”, were exactly because neither I not my doctor had much to do with their conception…they themselves decided it.

    Somehow, that helps me. I haven’t shared any of it with DH, though, because I know he won’t understand and may feel hurt by the information.

    Hugs!

  4. pjsarecomfyn August 1, 2012 at 20:37 #

    heart swellingly awesome!

  5. Rebecca Pallack (@RPallack) August 1, 2012 at 20:41 #

    I like that particular idea. I think will help with the healing of a lot of hearts if more of us knew about this particular story.

  6. Cristy August 1, 2012 at 20:59 #

    Wise and lovely words. Too often, we blame ourselves for the loss of our children. We assume that if we did X or didn’t do Y that the outcome would be different. But just as she said, it’s out of our hands.

    I really do believe Nadav is a righteous soul. Look at how many he has touched during his brief period in this world. Few have this impact and it speaks worlds about him choosing you as his mother. Because you are amazing too.

  7. TeeJay August 1, 2012 at 22:11 #

    I got chills and tears reading this today. I can imagine how this could give you some peace. Especially coming from someone that has been through it. I know I’ve been a little silent lately but I’m still here and still cheering for you. I’m always thinking of you and hoping for nothing but good things from now on. I can tell by your writing that you are slowly beginning to heal. You may not always feel it but I can sense it through your words. Even when you write about the bad times. Hang onto this story and let it fill your heart. Nadav was special and I believe that he still IS special and always WILL be special.

  8. Esperanza August 1, 2012 at 23:25 #

    I love this post and I love this message. I’ve heard it before–in a non-denominational context–that children born (or gone) too soon are souls that had nothing left to learn, that got out of their short lives what they needed. I found that very comforting when I thought of my lost sister, whose grave we still visit, and my lost brothers who were born to soon but don’t have graves to mark their short lives. It really does bring me peace.

  9. libbylogic August 1, 2012 at 23:26 #

    That is truly lovely. And I think it’s true.

  10. Esperanza August 1, 2012 at 23:27 #

    Oh, and not to make this all about me (which it isn’t, at all). I meant to add that I’m glad it brings you peace too and that it will continue to provide you some comfort in the days, weeks, months and years to come.

  11. Daryl August 2, 2012 at 01:15 #

    What a beautiful sentiment. I’m so glad her words were able to bring you some comfort.

  12. lrm1102 August 2, 2012 at 02:41 #

    Beautiful! Thank you for sharing!! I am glad that she could bring you some peace.

  13. justinelevine August 2, 2012 at 03:03 #

    This makes me cry. Thank you … for the gift of forgiveness.

  14. Lisa @ hapahopes August 2, 2012 at 03:03 #

    That is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever heard.

    I may have a little Jew envy.

  15. Wannabemom August 2, 2012 at 03:22 #

    That is comforting. I had a Mormon friend tell me something similar after we lost Abby. Basically that all she was ever meant to do was live in me for the time that she did. It is my idea of her future that I mourn, because she never intended to stay that long. And that I had done my job as her mother by providing her with a place to be for that time.

  16. Amy August 2, 2012 at 04:59 #

    I’m also pastafarian at best, and that makes perfect sense to me. So glad it brings you peace, too.

  17. Emily @ablanket2keep August 2, 2012 at 05:05 #

    That is one on the most beautiful things I have ever heard! Oh Mo thank you for sharing this. I am in tears reading this. (even though I have never experienced a loss)

  18. nobabyruth August 2, 2012 at 14:04 #

    I don’t think you have to be able to explain why something brings you comfort. The important thing is that it does. For that, I am glad.

  19. Heather August 2, 2012 at 14:31 #

    Wow. That is just amazing. I like your site format by the way.

  20. psychsarah August 2, 2012 at 15:21 #

    Wow-it’s concepts like this that make me, briefly, wish I was a person of faith, no small comment from a pretty die-hard atheist. I’m so glad this rang true to you, even if you can’t figure out how, and that it made you feel better. It’s a beautiful concept.

  21. missohkay August 2, 2012 at 19:07 #

    That is lovely and rings true to me too. <3

  22. Lex August 3, 2012 at 00:31 #

    I am glad this thought and conversation brought you comfort.

  23. Keiko August 3, 2012 at 00:45 #

    Reading this made me almost instinctively say the Shehechiyanu – about how sacred every moment truly is. Nadav may have only been here for a few moments, but how sacred they were. How sanctified you were made by his presence.

    Such a beautiful post, Mo. Thank you.

  24. jjiraffe August 6, 2012 at 09:05 #

    I’d never heard this before, yet it rings true to me as well.

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