It’s a Thing in Progress, Respect the Thing

25 Mar

Things are so weird. I seriously feel like I’m bipolar.

I had an absolutely fantastic weekend. Starting with the tattoo yesterday, to time with friends last night, and topping all of it off with Sushi and “The Hunger Games” with Shmerson tonight.

Loved the movie, BTW. One of the few Book-to-Film adaptations I can truly say I loved. Some of you may know, I tend to get a bit eh-hem – bitter – when my favorite books are ruined by Hollywood. So I’m relieved they didn’t mess it up.

I guess you want to see the tattoo, right?

I think it came out pretty freaking awesome.

So awesome tattoo? Check. Awesome movie? Check. Oh, and there was more:

Shmerson and I haven’t gone abroad since our honeymoon. I REALLY want to get the frak out of the country for a bit, so Shmerson and I were thinking of doing Rome/Florence in May or June (I loooove Italy).

That’s part of the reason I’ve been working so hard these last couple of weeks, to make some extra cash. We deserve a vacation.

So I was all about Rome and Florence.

That is – until I found this:

Faith No More is my absolute favorite band of all time ever in the history of the universe. Ever.

They got back together (yay!) a couple of years back and did a show in Tel Aviv. My wedding aside, those two hours were pretty much the happiest I’ve been in the last few years.

They have exactly two tour dates this year. One of them is just a 4 hour flight away. Or in short: Plans have changed.

If all goes well, Shmerson and I will be rocking out to Mike Patton and Co. on July 8th.

I spent all day today just beaming from the prospect of seeing them live again (not to mention there are some other bands in there that I would love to see, and rock concerts are in general my favorite form of recreation, and we plan on at least 4 more days in the UK before or after the festival).

So why the hell do I feel like crap now? Everything was going freaking fantastic. Now I just feel… Heavy.

Honestly? I don’t know what went wrong.

Maybe I’m feeling like crap because the last time Shmerson and I ate at the restaurant we were at tonight was when I was just hitting my second trimester with Nadav and feeling confident.

Maybe it was the family of 5 we saw heading over to the parking lot after dinner, with the stroller in tow, and the longing I felt when I saw the mother carrying the baby.

Maybe it’s the frustration that this process is no where near behind us. That we have a long road ahead.

Maybe it’s the thought that if Nadav was still here, I wouldn’t be going to the UK in July, and as much as I love Faith No More, I’d rather have my son here with me.

Or maybe it’s just because this is all just a process, and things will continue to go up and down.

It’s a thing in progress. I will respect the thing.

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28 Responses to “It’s a Thing in Progress, Respect the Thing”

  1. Jenn March 25, 2012 at 01:40 #

    Your tattoo is beautiful. Sending hugs your way. I have days that I’m having a good time and something sets me off and my mood just changes.

  2. Elphaba March 25, 2012 at 01:44 #

    Damn, I was going to suggest you take a trip to Canada instead ;)

    And it’s totally normal to have ups and downs. There will be triggers for a long time–let yourself feel it and don’t beat yourself up about it.

    The tattoo looks wonderful. A beautiful commemoration of a beautiful boy.

  3. Her Royal Fabulousness March 25, 2012 at 01:52 #

    We are destined to be friends. I love Faith No More and Mr. Bungle. Last Cup of Sorrow and Everything’s Ruined are tied as fav songs. I am INCREDIBLY jealous that you’ll see them play in the UK! I met Mike Patton once – major hottie. There are actually a ton of good bands on that ticket. Mazel!

    The tattoo is beautiful btw. Your positivity and perseverance continue to astound me.

  4. Amy March 25, 2012 at 02:00 #

    Love the tattoo – beautiful! Your reaction makes sense to me – it’s great that you are planning some well-deserved fun and recreation…though in comparison to what you had planned it is of course still a disappointment. Nothing wrong with acknowledging that – and yet still allowing yourself to enjoy the shit out of those shows! Killer lineup. I was not a huge FNM fan originally, but a friend turned me on to them a few years ago – great stuff!

  5. Kristen G. March 25, 2012 at 02:30 #

    Made me so happy to visit your blog and see a bunny! :)
    And all your lovely butterflies…
    Sorry you are going through all these ups and downs.
    Sending lots of love your way…
    XOXO

  6. Cristy March 25, 2012 at 02:38 #

    The tattoo is lovely! A beautiful tribute to your son.

    Give yourself time. With the good moments will also come the hard moments. Sometimes we can see it coming, others it blind-sides us. But you are living your life and living it well. That, in and of itself is a huge accomplishment.

    BTW: The concert looks awesome! Plus it’s a great excuse to get to the UK. Color me jealous. :)

  7. Stinky Weaselteats March 25, 2012 at 02:45 #

    Oh I love me some FNM also, bloody ace music. We saw them in NZ about 2 years ago, oddly enough I wanted a focus beyond the due-date that wasn’t and their gig was the week afterwards. They rock, bigtime. Mike Patton’s screaming somehow fit the occasion.
    Love too many songs to mention, but definitely Midlife Crisis, A Small Victory, Epic . . . loads more but they’re the ones that stand out

  8. SRB March 25, 2012 at 03:41 #

    That tattoo is boss, woman. It’s a wonderful way to wear your heart on your sleeve, so to speak. Good for you. It’s beautiful.

    xoxo

  9. Emily @ablanket2keep March 25, 2012 at 04:43 #

    Your tattoo is beautiful! How exciting you get to see your favorite band! I see a lot of groups I love on that list! There are lots of things that will trigger and sometimes you won’t know what the heck did it. Happens to me sometimes. Hugz honey!

  10. Daryl March 25, 2012 at 06:44 #

    In progress is a good thing. Heck of a lot better than being stuck in place. Love the tattoo!

  11. Kat March 25, 2012 at 18:16 #

    “It’s a thing in progress. I will respect the thing.”

    I love this line. I try to remember when dealing with any kind of emotional turmoil that it’s a process, and it’s always a process. And in a way, the process is sort of working itself through you, almost the way our immune system works through it’s process when we get sick. I think it’s good to try to go with it, where ever it takes you.

  12. marwil March 25, 2012 at 18:17 #

    It’s not rational at all that thing! it swings back and forth and live its own little life it seems.

    Cool that you are coming to UK! We just spoke about making plans for a get-away in June. It’s needed and well deserved I’d say.

  13. Rebecca Pallack (@RPallack) March 25, 2012 at 19:33 #

    Getting away from it all even if close to home is a good thing. We did similar yesterday in getting out of town for half the day. Love the tattoo.

  14. EmHart March 25, 2012 at 21:19 #

    We went skiing this winter, and as much as I loved it I did think many times ‘but I would rather be pregnant’. I am so glad we went though, it was so wonderfully relaxing and fun. I hope you have an brilliant time here in the UK and totally rock out at that concert. I just showed the poster to my other half and he got quite excited. You never know, he might end up dragging me there (not exactly my thing, although I like Evanecence, Katatonia and Queen, and Tim Minchin is hilarious).

  15. Living Our Life in Cycles March 25, 2012 at 23:49 #

    Gorgeous tattoo! I think a get-a-way is a wonderful thing!

  16. mrs. brightside March 26, 2012 at 00:56 #

    Loving the tattoo, it’s really beautiful. And I think these ups and downs are totally to be expected. You’ve fought so hard to heal and get your life back, but a pain this deep is going to hurt for a long time, in small random ways that will sneak up on you when you least expect it. You gotta respect the thing, and continue to be kind to yourself. Sending yet another hug across the waves.

  17. Port of Indecision March 26, 2012 at 02:02 #

    It’s definitely a thing in progress. I suspect you’ll have many more ups and downs. It’s so bittersweet – yay for the vacation you two so badly need, but suck that it’s even possible.

  18. slcurwin March 26, 2012 at 02:44 #

    I think I need to get around to watching Dr Who. I’ve been told I’d like it. I will also respect the thing.
    I cool concert trip sounds like a great idea. Give you something to look foreward to as well.
    Now I need to go watch the movie so we can discuss.

  19. Jem March 26, 2012 at 03:30 #

    I love Dr. Who and love “It’s a thing in progress. I will respect the thing.” And will make it my new motto, too.

  20. chon March 26, 2012 at 04:53 #

    OMG I love Faith No More and I shit you not yesterday I was singing along to them in the car really loud and was going to do a whole blog post on my love of old grunge rock bands.

    So yep, just a little jealous.

    xxxx

  21. Jonelle March 26, 2012 at 08:30 #

    I love The Doctor, he has such words of wisdom. I had me a mini-marathon today, actually.

    I’m sorry everything is so up and down lately. But grief is like that with its heights and valleys, so I’ve been told.

    (((HUGS)))

    • Jonelle March 26, 2012 at 08:31 #

      P.S. Love the tattoo. Its very pretty.

  22. Jen March 26, 2012 at 15:53 #

    What a beautiful tattoo to remember your son and other losses! It turned out perfect!

  23. Gail March 26, 2012 at 15:55 #

    Love the tattoo. And, I also loved the Hunger Games movie. I also liked the Dr. Who reference. My husband is a huge Dr. Who fan and watches them thru Netflix since we don’t get BBC America on our satellite system.

    As for the mixed feelings, just give yourself some time. I’m sure that things will make more sense later and you shouldn’t beat yourself up for feeling conflicted emotions.

  24. Heather March 26, 2012 at 19:09 #

    Love the tattoo!!
    Peace, love and respect to you.

  25. jjiraffe March 26, 2012 at 23:51 #

    Gorgeous tattoo, Mo. Faith No More! Rock ON. I love their song “We Care A Lot”. My brother and I sang it constantly in the late 80s/early 90s and bugged the shit out of our parents. It was on heavy rotation on Live 105 (a radio station out here) because Faith No More was a local band.

    “We Care A Lot About Transformers Cause There’s More Than Meets The Eye!”

    ANYWAY.

    I think you are right that it is a process. Glad you are doing some awesome stuff, but it pains me that Nadav isn’t with you.

  26. Pussy Parent March 27, 2012 at 02:22 #

    I love the tattoo!

  27. Alissa March 27, 2012 at 03:26 #

    This all sounds very familiar. I have many of these days/moments. I’m up and down with no particular reason and I am coming to accept that it’s part of my new normal.

    I think you are doing just amazing. And that tattoo is perfect.

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