25 Dollars (Canadian)

29 Apr

First – an update for those interested: my Betas are down to 82. That’s a nice steady decline and I’m pretty relieved things are going in a downward trajectory. I’ll get bloodwork again probably this tuesday and hopefully they’ll be down to zero by then. Then Shmerson and I can head on over to Dr. Twofer’s office and start tackling this biyatch. Yes. I’m in a very “I’m over it” mood about the whole thing. And I’m cool with that.

So now – on to our regularly scheduled blog post:

Ok. I’m about to confess something. The story I am about to tell will not put me in a very good light. In fact – you will most likely feel the need to mock me continuously, and question my intelligence and decision making from now on.

It begins way back toward the end of March, when I was in my first official post-second-miscarriage two week wait. For those of you who remember, I was driving myself up the wall, making up fake games, and pretty much going crazy just waiting for the day when I could finally pee on a freakin’ stick.

Oh – I was so innocent then. Little did I know that there was a fertilized egg finding a nesting place very far away from where it needed to be. The word “ectopic” was not really in my vocabulary. At least not up front.

Ahh – the good old days.

Ehem. Ok. So – I was going crazy, and during this crazy, one of the bloggers I read regularly shared the story of her experience with a certain online baby psychic.

Yes. You read right. Baby Psychic.

I will not link back to the post, nor will I mention this particular baby psychic’s name, because I admit I’m not going to be very nice to her in this post. But I’m sure some of you at least know who I’m talking about.

Ok – so this blogger was the third in a list of bloggers that had paid money via paypal for this baby psychic to tell them when their babies would be born, their sex, and what kind of people they would grow up to be.

I admit – I was looking for a string of hope. I was looking for a fast forward button. I was looking for something to hang my hat on (or my uterus. whatever.).

Plus – I had about 30 bucks lying around in a paypal account that I never use.

So – on a dark and stormy night, as Shmerson was downstairs snoring away, I headed over to the baby psychic’s website.

First  – this psychic brags about her track record being 80%. I know for a fact she was only off by two months for one blogger I follow. So – I somehow on a lark convince myself that if nothing else – the woman has statistics on her side.

There were several packages to choose from. The “standard” package cost 10 dollars (canadian) and would give you one baby prediction. As in – the next baby to come, no more, no less.

The next level cost – well, I forget how much – but would give you two babies.

There were a few more options – and then I hit paydirt. “The deluxe family package”.

Ms. Baby Psychic will give me information on up to four (!) future children PLUS as an added bonus answer any other questions I have.

I was sorely tempted:

Me: Come on! We have 30 bucks lying around in a paypal account! Let’s do this!

Me: Um, no.

Me: But answers! We want answers! We need to know stuff!

Me: This is a baby psychic.

Me: yes but -

Me: A. BABY. PSYCHIC.

Me: yes but -

Me: An ONLINE BABY PSYCHIC

Me: Oh  come on – just give us this! Admit it! I know you’re curious.

Me: Yes. I admit I’m curious.

Me: So- let’s just do this! it’s only 25 dollars (canadian)!

Me: Oh – you want the DELUXE PACKAGE?

Me: Well, duh. We want four kids don’t we? Plus – we’ve got 30 dollars (american) in this account! It was meant to be!

Me: But -

Me: Come on just do it!

Me: Fine.

And that’s how at 3 o’clock in the morning, on a stormy March night, I paid 25 dollars (canadian) to an online baby psychic.

The baby psychic got back to me and announced that she would have my prediction done by april 26th. And so she did.

On the morning of April 27th, I wake up to find my prediction in my inbox.

I won’t share it with you here.

Because guess what? It’s complete and total BS!

Not what she said.Well, most likely also what she said. But mostly the fact that I was in such a control freaky place that a small part of me actually thought that getting a prediction from an online baby psychic would give me a sense of control.

Plus – she only predicted I’d have two kids. And Shmerson and I want three or four. And the 25 dollar (canadian) package was for up to four kids! I totally could have gone for the cheaper package and gotten the same BS! What a racket!

I’m having three or four kids. And screw you baby psychic for saying otherwise!

Ok – I’ll give you one of her predictions: She predicted a baby girl, which will either be born or found out about in July. I’ll keep you posted if that happens. I actually really hope it does. But I was hoping that before I spent 25 dollars (canadian).

But I will count that purely as coincidence if she’s right. Either that or she found this blog and is basing everything on that. In that case – hi baby psychic!

All in all though – I have to say it was money well spent. It only took 25 dollars (canadian) – and an ectopic pregnancy –  to teach me that I may as well enjoy the ride, because not even a baby psychic will be able to make me feel like I have control over this situation.

So yes. Perhaps the best 25 dollars (canadian. ok I took this joke too far) I’ve ever spent. But for completely unexpected reasons.

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22 Responses to “25 Dollars (Canadian)”

  1. raanan April 30, 2011 at 00:47 #

    you rock :)

  2. Kristin April 30, 2011 at 04:16 #

    Thanks for the laugh.

  3. Marie April 30, 2011 at 08:40 #

    I will make up some baby psychic shit for you if you want. You can pay me 25 dollars (American), or send poprocks candy and pudding cookies.

    • Mo May 2, 2011 at 11:46 #

      the thing is you get pudding cookies and poprocks chocolate anyway – so, um, yeah – make up baby psychic shit for me. Awesome.

  4. Christina April 30, 2011 at 21:58 #

    I totally don’t buy into those preg-psychics…

    BUT! There were times were I almost caved and bought one just for hope that it would happen! Maybe the cheaper way to go would be a Magic 8 ball?

    • Mo May 2, 2011 at 11:47 #

      Yeah I should totally do that. “Will I get pregnant this month?” – “outlook not good”
      Twenty shakes later I realize it’s a futile exercise. And then shake it again.

  5. Elphaba May 1, 2011 at 03:08 #

    Since the Canadian dollar is actually higher than the American dollar right now–you really got screwed ;)

    • Mo May 2, 2011 at 11:47 #

      I know! right? I really did.

  6. Elphaba May 1, 2011 at 03:09 #

    PS-Since her predictions related to one of three possibilities 1) conceive month 2) birth month 3) month you find out in, being two months off wasn’t that impressive.

  7. slcurwin May 2, 2011 at 06:20 #

    So…by found…? Is this the equivalent to how we found my brother under a rock? (we kept him…just in case that wasn’t clear by the “brother” part). ;)

    • Mo May 2, 2011 at 11:48 #

      you funny me. :-)

      • slcurwin May 2, 2011 at 19:37 #

        I worked that into my toast to the groom speach at his wedding too. How I gained a brother. lol.

  8. tigger62077 January 1, 2012 at 20:10 #

    Here from the Creme: Baby psychics are the reason my blog was founded in the first place! I spent a LOT of time on the WebMD TTC boards for about a year and a half. There was a rash of “she said this” and “this other said that”, so I put it to the test. I wrote my predictions in the blog, so I’d have them to refer back to. Also had the husband ask, so we could see if they’d match (they really didn’t). Apparently they DO have their uses, as I ended up in this blogosphere.

    It’s amazing the things we will do when we really want confirmation or answers or SOMETHING! I’m glad, in a way, that you did this just so you have it out of your system!

  9. embracingtherain January 1, 2012 at 22:13 #

    Somehow I missed this back in April. Thanks so much for the laugh and for sharing.

  10. Heather January 2, 2012 at 10:11 #

    I’ve also gone through those desparate times, when I am so desparate for answers that I turn to these people. I did it just before I met my husband (when I was desparate for a man) and at other times for other issues. I must say I have had some bad experiences. I think that some of these online people really overuse copy and paste onto the same people. I think I’d really like to find someone who really knows what they are doing, but also in a way, at the same time, I’d rather not know, esp if its bad news.
    Yip, control is an illusion.

  11. Denver Laura January 2, 2012 at 21:33 #

    I went to a baby psychic too. Supposedly I would find out, concieve or give birth in January to a girl. That was 4 years ago and zero pregnancies. Um well, the girl we’re adopting wasn’t concieved, born, found out about or adopted in January or two months on either side. Sorry to find out we both helped finance her new car.

  12. St. Elsewhere January 4, 2012 at 16:36 #

    Given the fact that I consulted the Internet Godz (for free) recently and found myself shaping my option accordingly and then laughed at the hilariousness of it all, I think you did a pretty good job of it yourself…

    Here from CDLC.

  13. Alissa January 9, 2012 at 03:11 #

    Sometimes we just need something to believe in… Loved it. Thank you.

    Here from CDLC.

  14. Stinky January 20, 2012 at 05:55 #

    Cremey arrival too – how weird, I just published a post in a similar vein earlier, then found this reading through CLDC. So glad its not just me doing/did those things

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