The husband

21 Dec

My husband reads this blog, so on some level I feel a bit weird writing about this. but it’s something that isn’t really talked about much so here goes:

I’ve been going through a rough time (duh), but I really feel for my hubby right about now.

I mean, not only does he have to deal with me and this ongoing turmoil – he has also suffered a loss.

We had a long talk today and I finally pushed him to share his feelings with me. He admitted that he feels terrible for a few reasons.

First – he knows I’m the one who went through the loss and he can’t imagine the pain I’m in, which makes him feel the need to suppress his own pain.

Second – with each miscarriage, he realizes more and more just how much he wants to be a daddy, but on the other hand, he is deathly afraid of us miscarrying again and the damage that this would do to me both physically and emotionally.

Third – he just doesn’t know how to handle me through this rough patch.

I have this weird quality about me. When I see another person in pain I desperately want to fix it and make it better.

This is ironic, but him sharing what he feels with me makes me feel a bit less sorry for myself, and makes me want to be strong and move on for him.

So Schmerson* – keep sharing your pain. I love you.

*Schmerson is one of our many weird pet names for each other. deal with it. :-)

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2 Responses to “The husband”

  1. slcurwin December 21, 2010 at 02:34 #

    I think Schmerson and my hubby are on the same page here.

    I’m always tempted to refer to my hubby as “Sugarbum” on my blog (what I call him normally), lol, maybe I should. I’m liking this pet name use.

    • mommyodyssey December 21, 2010 at 02:40 #

      I think Schmerson will find it amusing that I chose that of all things. There is also “person”, “bunny”, “Schmunny”, “Flerson”, “Flichzten”, and about about 10 other versions of nonsensical words which for some reason we call each other.
      However, I must say that I like “Sugarbum”. It works.
      Especially in a context like:
      “Sugarbum is really angry with me today”
      or
      “Sugarbum and I had a fight”
      Really adds a sense of gravity to a sentence – don’t you think? ;-)

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